JUDGEMENT

As anyone who know me, and most likely anyone who has read this blog knows, for the past few months - no at least a year I have had a few issues bothering me at church.

The problems I have is best summed up in one word and that word is judgement.

I have a problem, as most do I am sure, of being judged. I don't like feeling as though I am under some kind of microscope and every action, thought, or desire is left unprotected and open to the scrutiny of those which would dem themselves worthy to be my judge. Simply typing this out starts my blood to boil and for what?

Intellectually I know the opinions of others are worthless and should bear no weight on me or my spirit. But emotionally I can't fight it. Emotionally I want to rage a vicious attack back at what I'd like to call my enemies. But intellectually I refuse to call these people my enemy and call them fellow church members. It seems wrong on many levels. But it is the emotional defeat spilling over into a spiritual battle.

But just as those sitting in judgement over me, I too sit in judgement. And how fair is that for me judge those back for judging me? How fair is it for me to sit and think or worse voice my opinions and fuss when word gets back to me about judgements made against me.

It is a battle that spins out of control, pulling everyone involved into a pit and for the past while, I have found myself in that pit without the desire to crawl out.

I have tried to limit the interaction I have with those I know judge me and those close to me.

I have declined opportunities to go to worship, fellowship, or church functions; just to stay away from those I know judge me.

I have entertained the idea of leaving the church, not finding a different one. Leaving so that my path would no longer cross those I know judge me.

But still, even with all this effort, I still feel judged. I am still judged. And worse, I still judge.

I can not do anything about the actions of others.
I can not change their opinions or what I have called "Church Politics" and those that practice it.
I do not have the right to judge them and declare what is right and what is wrong no more that I would give them the right to do it to me.

All I can do is watch my actions and my mouth.
I can keep my opinions focused on one question, "does it glorify God?"
I do have the right to not care what others do, think, or say. And maybe in time I will allow these people back in my circle and value their friendship. Maybe one day I will grow to a place where my judgement is not justified by their judgement. And maybe one day judgement will not be the battle it is with me today.

The problem is not a problem I have with someone else, though I know we can all improve. The problem is with me. I have the problem.

Art - Creation v/s Destruction

Last night the RA's and GA's at church had a great class.

The plan was to allow the kids to team up and create abstract art. I mean, kids of all ages love to get a little messy and we've been focusing on teamwork, so what better way to accomplish both.
I explained, as best I could, what abstract art was and showed a few examples I had found on the web. The kids looked at what really was just a mess on canvas which sells for thousands of dollars in the art world, and thought they say horses and balloons. And one that just looked crazy to me, they thought they saw people jumping up and down.
So I asked them if a lesson about abstract art could be relevant to us at church.
The first one to speak up was a boy in about the 5th grade and he quickly said no. He added the only relevance art would have to church was that we were going to create it in the church social hall. A few others agreed with him and I asked again, could a lesson on creating abstract art be relevant to us in church. A little time passed when another teacher added that as Christians everything we do should be relevant to God and should be Christ centered. A few agreed with him and added their spin, but it was really cool to see all the little wheels turning as they tried to make up their own minds as to the relevance art would have to a church lesson.
As we know from the book of Genesis, God is the Creator. I asked the kids who among them thought they were created by God and did they think they were created special. They all did and we pointed out that too often we pick out something we don't like about ourselves (like being to fat or to thin, a pimple, a big nose, etc.) and we give what we see to be a flaw power to discount how special God made us. Then we talked about when someone in the classroom is making fun of someone how we tend to laugh and encourage the one dissing the other, but as Christians we should help lift up the one being made to feel cheap.
Read 1 Peter 5:8 and you will see Satan is the destroyer. When we, children and adults, laugh at racist jokes or engage in gossip, or judge someone, we too are allowing Satan to work. We are not allowing God to create love and peace from within us.
The kids worked as teams to create abstract art. They did a good job working together and some look really cool. But as I told them, when God created us, we where not abstract creations. He made us with purpose and value.
It is just something to remember when we catch ourselves judging others.
It is something to think about when we are feeling down and judging ourselves.
But it is something to be thankful for that each one of us is a child of God and that we are special and meaningful.